Kennedy's Tumor SNL Weekend Update

All the Health News Fit to Stink:

Kennedy's Tumor (KT) Sorts the Trash:

This Week's Health Headlines:

Reuters: U.S. lawmakers eye Medicare in Health Reform Drive

Max Baucus :

"Everybody here wants to address quality and reimbursements based on quality," Baucus said.

KT: So let the guys from Harvard and Columbia charge more.

If you are interested in quality educate the people, give them choices, and let them choose with their pocketbooks

WebMD (shame on u guys): About 2% of U.S. Population Is Paralyzed, New Survey Shows

Look around you. Are 2 out of every 100 people in wheel chairs? No. Why are they trying to redefine paralysis? Think about what "paralyzed" means; now read what they say in this article:

The survey defines paralysis as having "difficulty or inability" in moving the upper and lower extremities because of a condition affecting the central nervous system

Difficulty or inability? Are they nuts--or eating walnuts?

Question: Why do they define this so narrowly?

Answer: To include more people in their statistics which enables them to apply for bigger grants from the government....to waste your money. Sinful stuff.

Walnuts may prevent breast cancer

Speaking of eating walnuts, THIS is from Britain...a social health care system. They don't want to do MRI's to find your breast cancer and they don't want to pay for monoclonal antibodies to treat it. What's easier? Chiropractic adjustment. Eating walnuts: OFF YOU GO THEN:

Mice fed the human equivalent of two ounces (56.7g) of walnuts per day developed fewer and smaller tumours.

So eat walnuts. Or be a mouse. Or live in the land of postmodern medicine.

USA TODAY: Study: Video-game-playing kids showing addiction symptoms

Nearly one in 10 children and teens who play video games show behavioral signs that may indicate addiction, a new study reports (the stoopid parts of this article are italicized by me).

OK they may show behavioral signs (a red octagon or a yellow triangle?) that may indicate addictive behavior -- I'll give you that totally vague and poorly defined slop of suppositions-- to this activity which is fun, exciting, improves motor skills and is infinitely better than sexting, sniffing glue or running with scissors.

What do video gamers need? Proper parents with proper supervision (oops)...not nannies and housekeepers. You need a good mom and dad who know how to balance things.

Breastfeeding Cuts Moms' Heart Risk

Breastfeeding cuts a woman's risk of heart disease and diabetes long after her infant has grown up, new data strongly suggest.

Soooo...what's the point? I mean, how important could this be

Why do they study this stuff?

The Obama administration is sharpening its scalpel, about to vivisect and put at risk the best health care system in history because it is too expensive to give away for free.

I have a better idea...why don't we just stop funding these studies? Why don't we establish a national board of research approval and evaluation. You get no money for feeding walnuts to rats and no money trying to further or establish a social agenda...like video games are bad or we need to have more people qualify as disabled...and every penny we save on these circuitous nonprogressive counterproductive pseudoscientific wankfests will go towards....health care! That would be radical, eh?